Singing is a rather important part of me. I don't think anyone really knows how much I love it, even if I've never been that amazing at it. But I'm trying to rectify that, I promise.
Singing is my go to reaction. Lyrics are my go to reaction.
Singing holds such a cathartic release from everything I feel. I sing in the shower, I sing whilst doing my makeup and getting dressed. I even sing when I walk along the streets or when I'm waiting in a queue in a shop.Sometimes I even sing quietly to myself when someone really boring is talking (honestly).
I sing when someone offends me, and I sing when someone makes me happy. I sing when someone says they love me, and I sing when someone says they hate me. I sing when I'm going to sleep at night, and Sing when I cry.
The only issue I've ever had, is that, I was never really sure if I was good at it.
When I was little, my dad used to play music in the house near constantly, and a mixed collection as well. I guess that's where I started to sing so much - I opened my eyes to music as a baby, and it was the only thing that could make me sleep soundly. I suppose it's a big part of me. and I guess my obsession with music comes from there. Anyway, when I was a kid, my favourite thing to do was join in with the choir, or singing based lessons in class. And if I couldn't do that, you'd find me wandering around the playground or playing field alone, singing to myself (I was an ickle bit of a loner).
Eventually though, I was removed from the choir, because the teacher discovered I had a small hearing impairment,and said that I couldn't hear the students around me well enough to harmonise.
That really hurt me, and knocked my confidence in my singing, way down.
When I moved to Dorset, my mum worked in a pub, and we lived in a caravan nearby. So of course, I spent a lot of time in the pub. There were two things I really loved in the pub - the first, was folk night.
Now, I'm not the folky kind, or never really have been, but I loved folk night, because I usually got up and sang one song, and if I didn't sing, I joined in singing with my step dad. Eventually though, I became worried that the only reason people applauded me was out of courtesy, or politeness, or at best, admiration of my bravery. Soon, someone in my family gently mentioned that I had some issues when singing, being that my pitch changed radically in the middle of a line. So that was another hit to my confidence, and I stopped after that.
The other thing I really loved in the pub was music night on Fridays. I always loved singing along with my favourite bands, and was credited and observed many times doing so, (usually because people didn't expect someone my age to be able to memorise all the lyrics to brown eyed girl). It was a way for me to express my singing, without getting up and embarrassing myself.
After a few years though, we left the pub behind, and I was left only with me singing to myself, and no confidence in it to find an outlet.
Recently however, I have decided to try and resolve my performance issues. My step dad has been teaching me to overcome the pitch issues, and after lots of going over stuff and practising, I think I have managed it. It's starting to sound good. All that needs to follow is confidence. That will be the key.
The only other issue of course, is figuring out what my voice suits.
Now I love all random kinds of music (that's whats up-and-coming in my next post) but, I cant do all of them. I was recently asked to audition for a rock band, and I'm struggling to find the right sound to fit into that category. Someone I know suggested that I had a very bluesy/jazzy type voice (I wanted to kill them.... I HATE JAZZ) - someone else suggested I do scat jazz, another person said old pop, and someone else suggested acoustic metal songs - I just don't know where to go, or how to go about finding where I fit. I love rock, it's one of my favourite genres, but either it doesn't fit, or I don't have the right environment/enough confidence to really put power in my singing. But hopefully, I can resolve all that eventually, because what I'd love right now, is the ability to go out into the public domain, and come back swinging (performance wise) and just be able to do what I love in an appropriate way...
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