Does Not Compute...

Technology, computers namely, controls everything we do, and I for one, really wish they didn't. I don't like the idea of computers controlling me, but i'm fully aware that they do, and I give in every time, of course. 

I was thinking about my love/hate relationship with computers yesterday, as I watched the one I work at slowly breakdown in front of my eyes, until it had ceased to function. And thats exactly what it is; a love/hate relationship. 

I hate them when they don't work (or more specifically don't work the way they're supposed to), like yesterday. I slap and kick, swear yell and plead with them when they don't work. When they wont upload this or wont send that. It irritates me to the point of violence and tears. Much like with my most recent laptop, whoms screen has given up the ghost after one too many tumbles off the bed at nightime. I've sat there and actually begged with this inanimate object to work, cried at it and stroked it. 

Why?

Because there is love there too...

When my computer does work, it's my life. I am ashamed to admit this, but 'tis true. It contains nearly everything I hold dear; pictures and music namely. But also it fuels the interweb, which is my biggest downfall. 

I have a small confession to make; my favourite part of the day is when I log into my facebookaccount in the evening. 

Do you know why? 

Because a lot of the time, theres a message waiting from someone I love, someone I hold dear. and if there isn't, it's not long before I'm talking to some of my regular facebook friends. I don't care about te games, or the like, or any selfies or anything, I care about my line of communication.

If I pop up, and someone doesn't message back though I'm ashamed to admit that I am usually despondant and waiting for the remainder of the evening.
 
But I really love facebook, because it is important to me. I love facebook because it allows me to communicate with the people I love where I couldn't really any other way. I cant do telephone calls, because theres something awkward about them that doesn't agree with me. I cant do texts, because usually my Mobile-telecomunications-device is usally lost, flat or out opf credit. And I cant send letters because I don't have most of my friends e-mail's, and it would be slightly awkward to ask in some cases. So i'm left with facebook. 

But recently, due to the loss of my laptop, I have been unable to use face-ache. And I realise now just how much I missed it. How lost, lonely and isolated I feel sat in my room without it. And I feel even more pathetic admitting that as well. But I missed it A LOT! More than I should have. But thats me; thats me all over. I feel like i've nothing to do without it - it's a very strange sensation. 

And theres another problem. These last few nights, i've lain awake staring at the ceiling, willing sleep to take me, in silence. I cant listen to my bedtime song, I cant listen to anything. Because youtube isn't there. I miss youtube terribly. The comfort it bought, with my premade playlists for any mood, emotion or occasion. A part of me, a part of my routine is missing, and it prevents me from functioning completely. 

I do wish I wasn't so dependent on computers, but of course I am; I'm one of my generation after all...