Being a disbelieving sceptic.... (Part Two)

I have explained before that I am not usually a believer of the explanations that are made for the "Unexplainable". People seem to have the tendency to come up with strange and unusual idea's to explain the things they are afraid of, or, in their ignorance, have no explanation for.

Today, I'm being a sceptic about magic and the paranormal. Well, not just today, all of the time in fact.

Or at least, I try to be.

A recent conversation about the matter with a friend led onto the subject of paranormal activity, as in the films. Now, I have seen the first 3 films, and they do scare me, I'm almost not ashamed to admit. When I said this, my friend started talking about how freaked out she was that they were based on true stories. I had to interrupt her, and tell that they weren't really, and that statement was just added for the pure affect.

But I continued from there.... Even if they had said that with the honest intent of basing the events on an first hand account of what had happened, it's still not true. Paranormal happenings are events created and fabricated to help explain strange occurrences which people would usually have doubted, or haven't the knowledge to attempt to explain.

Paranormal investigators, in nearly all circumstances, turn out to be fakes, frauds, delusional or downright liars. It is strange to think we live in a society, where this kind of forgery, is openly used and commonly acceptable.

Mediums and the like, for example, who claim to channel "mystic energies" in order to communicate with the deceased, are most commonly visited by grieving members of the public, looking to seem commune or closure with their deceased husbands, parents, children etc. I fail to see how allowing a woman who claims to be "in touch with the other side" to lie to people in order to benefit for themselves.

The same goes for people who claim to have "magic healing hands", and seem to benefit generously from supposedly healing the sick and feeble, whether through god or through magic it doesn't matter - neither has any realistic affect. For those who are miraculously healed, there is a rational, logical explanation for everything (which does not involve divine intervention or mystical energies). Just because you cannot understand or concoct this explanation, does not mean it simply fails to exist.

Magic is also guilty of this failing. All forms of magic, which claim to be able to control people, create money, love, happiness and health, simply prays on the desperate and despairing, in order to try and soothe them, and in some cases, to benefit financially. Magic itself was invented in a time where science was sorely lacking, and people were desperate for a way to explain the good and evil that occurred in their world. Some people claim that magic is simply science which is unexplained, in which case,  you are still merely fabricating a false pretence of something logical, in order to explain something you don't understand. Just admit that you don't understand that. People ask me why I enjoy watching Magicians such as Darren Brown, if I don't believe in magic. The answer is Darren Brown and his affiliates are Illusionists - they do not claim to do magic, and In a lot of cases, they explain how they did what they did. Those who don't, you can still understand that they did it in a normal, realistic fashion.

Books on magic, available for the public to buy -those that contain spells for them to use - are a very public homage to fraud. These books nearly always insist that the spell will not simply be enough - for instance, you cannot cast a spell that will make you thin, and simply sit on your arse eating chocolate all day, you must eat well and do some exercise. You must have willpower, and sometimes "the timing of your spell may not be right, in which case you should try again."

Do you know why they say this? BECAUSE THEY DON'T WORK AT ALL! IT'S ALL LIES!

They are giving you the spell as incentive - because you probably wont do something on your own, if you believe in spells, but if a spell tells you that you have to do something for it to work, then you would probably walk around with shards of "lucky glass" in your shoe if you thought it would help!

Spells do nothing special whatsoever, they simply attempt to harness and kick start your own personal willpower.

So my friend asks me why I wear crucifixes, or pentagrams, or collect stones, or feathers or crystals.

"Because they are pretty - it's a stylistic choice... I simply like how they look. Precious stones and gems are very pretty, and decorative, that's why I have them."

 The reason I buy stones that claim to have special qualities or powers is because of the sentiment. I don't believe they are really going to work - I don't think they will actually heal you or make you happier, but it's the thought behind it that  I want. It's just a physical way of me representing my wishes and hopes for someone. If someone believes that what are essentially glammed up rocks have these magic powers, then good for them, I hope it helps. But I don't believe it myself.

So my friend asks me why I watch films about fantasy and paranormal happenings, or horror films like paranormal activity, or even the show Supernatural, and still get affected. 

It's because those shows tap into the part of your psyche that makes you doubt what you believe - I'm fully aware they aren't real, and that everything is still fiction, but it taps into the part of me that doubts my own self-assurance. In fact, my favourite horror films, are ones that I know, that if someone was crazy and messed up enough, could actually happen, whereas that's not the case for paranormal activity. But it still creeps me out, because it's a well made film, with good builds of suspense.

And even so, just because I don't believe in the supernatural, does not mean I am not allowed to for the sake of pretence and entertainment. Films, books and TV shows are a form of escapism and fantasy, to distract us from the harsh reality of everyday life. It still doesn't mean I believe in them when the credits roll.

Again, believe in whatever makes you happy, this is by no means a campaign to change people's view of the world, it's just a vent for my opinion, to help you get to know me, a little better. 

Being a non-believing sceptic (Part One of Three)

Okay, I'll be honest, I'm usually a sceptic. I don't believe things easily - I toss aside the fantastical, the mythical, the conspiracies and the tales, and I strip things down to pure logic and science.

Or at least I try not to.

Horror films never (used to) phase me, nor did religious preaching, or paranormal investigations. I like to think that I can steadily hold the bombardment of rubbish and ridiculous notions at bay.

I do not succumb to faiths or teachings, or to threatenings of demonic absorption, or eternal damnation.

Or at least I try not to.

And yet, of course, I know there are many things we cant explain in our lives. There are many questions that we really have no answers to. But I believe that, behind every question that looms over mankind, there is an answer out there somewhere - But I don't believe that those answers will be found by lots of hairy old men sitting around on their ass and thinking, constantly creating new rules and fables in order to drive people to believe what they want them to believe.

Because that's what religion is all about. It's a bunch of elderly men, seeking power, reeling out lie after lie, in order to answer the questions that they're too scare to admit they don't have answers for.

It is fables, stories and rulings, created in order to attempt to control a populace, which in essence, they are aware they could never really control.

It's about leading that same populace, and themselves, to believe there is some fantastical eternity of life and joy after you die, in order to mollify their extensive fears of death and destruction in the world, and to justify and coincidental suffering that occurs during their life.

This shouldn't be the case. The acknowledgement that death exists and surrounds us every day, should be what drives us to attempt to make our lives better and worth living, for our own personal sakes. The fact of the matter is, your lifespan, and your physical presence, pales into significance at the age and sheer size of the whole universe. Your life is short, and (as hard as it is to hear) seemingly insignificant. There are people, of course, who contribute greatly to our world, and then there are people who don't - but you should strive to be one of the contributors. Every little action brings something. A hug where someone needs it, or that idea or dream you had, you should go for it, because, at the end of the day, you really have very little to lose, when you think about where you are in time and space.

The acknowledgement of death should be what makes you grab life by the balls and try to squeeze as much fun and love out of it as you can.

It shouldn't be some ridiculous story of a divine being, whom guides you through your life, coddling you and reassuring you all the way. What you should understand is that life is shit! Shitty stuff happens to the best of us - honestly - you are going to suffer, at some time, one way or another, and no story, or little hymnal or righteous act will stop that. It may help ease your ravaged conscience, and help convince you that all will be forgiven one way or another - but there is no-one up there to forgive, besides those you have hurt. If you fuck up, or something goes wrong, there's no fate, or divine intervention that's caused it - It just happened.

But that should be the reason you try hard at what you do, and if something goes wrong , believe that it'll all work out in the end, and that you'll come out the other side much stronger - not because of some retributional force like Karma, but because you made it happen yourself, and that that the people around you whom love you, helped you get where you needed to be.

Because you can never underestimate the power of love.

Believe in yourself, and believe that you can make things happen - don't let the opinions of others cloud and cling to you, because they will drag you down and they will never truly understand who you are. Because if you can believe in that, and you work your hardest, that's all you can do at the end of the day - all anyone can ever really ask of you. People who believe that your best isn't good enough, aren't worth your time.

Don't blame your failings on some "all-powerful-being", and don't blame yourself too much by the same token - because in the end, when you've tried your best, and you've failed still, you should rest easy, knowing that was all you can do.

But if you do need some support - don't turn to a God, because they just aren't there - self delusion is a wonderful thing, but too much will drive you insane. Turn to someone real, solid and sensible (or sometimes, they don't even need to be sensible). In times of hardship, when you're losing your way, or struggling to carry on, turn to a real person, who will comfort you with love.

We all, despite what we may believe, have someone who loves us - and the people who love you, want to help you where they can. Of course, some of these people will need your support from time to time, and sometimes they will hurt you. But you need to accept that everyone is going to hurt you in your life, one way or another, you just have to hunt down the people worth suffering for, because they are who you need.

Sometimes it's hard, because these people are hidden, in fake intentions and persona's, and you don't know how to develop the correct relationship with this person. But it's then you need to realise that love is not divisible and split into categories.

Love is a constant, that surrounds us everyday - it is simply the intensity to which love is felt that varies. People, as so often happens, find it hard to judge the varying intensities of feeling, and so, confuse them self, thinking they love someone when in fact they feel nothing more than lust, or the strong bond of friendship. People like this will realise sooner or later how they actually feel, and they will begin to understand, and be able to give you the love they need. You can either get over it or move on, or put it down to experience and leave them behind - the decision is of course, yours.

Love is so much more important than anything else, and ironically, it is religion that tends to preach it's benefits most of all - because everything in the universe that has been created by man, has been based on a fundamental idea or belief. These ideas get morphed and abused, made into something they aren't and used as a weapon against our world.

Of course, I'm not saying there aren't people who don't believe the religious concepts faithfully, and I don't mind that.... I try very hard not to judge, and I myself once believed the good lord would rescue my soul, but I'm saying what I believe, in the hope of enlightening people, or perhaps just making them think - I don't say anything with a view to forcing people to believe something.

Each to their own. 

Daddy's Little Girl....

In the beginning, when I first decided to start a blog, I spent a long time looking for a subject. I couldn’t think of something I could give, that was unique to me. But then I thought of something – Me! I could give you and insight to me, because as silly as it may seem, nobody really knows me all that well. Not even my best friend. So, that’s what I endeavour to do – to give anyone who decides they want it, a little insight into the workings of my mind.



The reason I say this, is because today’s blog has a rather large and slightly unpleasant dollop of just that – Inside information. I was thinking about a simple phrase a fellow blogger of mine used the other day.



All he said was 10 years ago... I thought that was fairly unremarkable, but then, when I really think about it I was a little 6 year old. 6 years old! It would be a further 6 years before I would even move to Dorset. It would have been around the time I went to live with my dad. And then I mentioned this to a good friend of mine, the one whom I mentioned in my last blog, and she said I must have loved that period of my life, being so young and utterly care free, and It saddened me to point out this wasn’t true.



But you were daddy’s little girl; it should have been lovely? Well yes, it should have, and there were times where it was, but not all of them.



To understand this, you have to know that my mother and father broke up when I was five. For a short while I lived with my mum, but then, because my dad was all alone, I decided that I wanted to live with him. So after a very, very big tantrum, my mum gave in, and let me be.



Now, when I was growing up with my family, and had a brother and a sister, I was aware that they were not my full brother and sister. I was not aware of my fathers past, or of what happened to my family when I wasn't looking. To this day they wont explain fully, but I can make an educated guess.



My father was from a.... troubled background, from what I can gather. His father was abusive and my father was a fan of excess in... Many things.



And see, because I was his only daughter (for all I knew) – the only one who he could really say was of his own; he treated me very well, or as well as I could hope for. I never really saw or understood what happened to everyone else. Or perhaps, I did, but I simply blocked it out from plain denial.



But so, I had no real Idea what my dad was like. He was lovely and caring to me, so I simply thought the people around me were overreacting and slandering him, and I protested this, because I loved him of course, he was my daddy after all.



So around about the time I turned six, I moved in with my dad, and I received quite a culture shock. He wasn’t who I thought he was. He had a dark past, a complicated one, full of difficulty and in some cases, heartbreak. He relied on me heavily, which is not something that should be forced on a child. He made me feel guilty and he suppressed my view of who I should be, and he did many other things that I don’t care to mention.



And so, when I said this to my friend, she went just said that she could see why I left. I was affronted; I told her I didn’t chose to leave, not really, just that someone came and got me and moved me elsewhere.



So she asked me if I would have stayed, and I tell her of course I would have then, because he needed me. But then, I wouldn’t on reflection, with the benefit of hindsight, because I can see who I would have become. And I don't like that person.



I wasn’t allowed to interact with boys around my father, so perhaps I’d be a little better off. But I would have been suppressed; he wouldn’t have allowed me to grow up or change who I am – No make up, No boys, No different music. I wouldn’t have been able to mature, because the more I did, the harder he would have made it.



And as much as I wish I could have stayed, I realise sometimes, with stunning clarity, just how much better off I am here. I have done better than I ever would have if I stayed there. I am happier than I would have been, I have met people who have changed my life, and without whom, I couldn’t imagine being.



I’m not saying I don’t miss the people I left behind, I do, more than they might know, but sometimes, to move on and be who you need to be, you need to let go of something else.



These days, I feel safer and more comfortable about the idea of going home. I feel like I could handle it now, where as I couldn’t before.



I cant thank the people I’ve met enough, for everything they’ve done for me, everything they’ve taught me and coached me through.



To my friend Martha, who was the best teenage health advice guru anyone ever had, and a great fan girl relief at times.



To Christopher, My best friend and comrade in arms, who has terrified me with his sheer scale since I was a child, and continues to do so today. My adopted brother, who has helped me through so much I wouldn’t even know where to begin.



To Jake, my brother, who although irritates me more than I can say, I still love him, and he’s still there when I really truly need him, and I like to think I reciprocate.



To Ziggi, my beautiful sister, who I understand has been through a lot, and possibly some of it is my fault. I’m here, if you do need someone, I swear.



To Jennifer Twist, because you’ve always been there to stick my broken confidence back together, and put a smile on my face.



To Mrs Twist, who has been a great mother figure, and taken me under her wing, making me feel truly accepted somewhere.



To Abbey, for being there as a friend, through all my silly phases and shortcomings, and still supporting me at the end. Thank you for teaming up with me, and I promise you, L will come out of hiding some day!



To Sarah, for being a quiet counterpart, but still someone who enriched me and made my time at school bearable.



To Dominic, for still being friends with me, even in the circumstances in which we met, and for being such a gracious, supportive and long standing friend.... (10 years, 6 months, 13 days and ..... god knows okay!).



To Luke Howie, for dragging me into anime, and for enlightening and comforting me in ways I never thought possible. I value your continued friendship more than I show, and more than I think you know.



To Zara McQueen, for being such a creative, spiritual, sensible, emotional and brilliant guidance along my road through life. I’m sorry I wasted so much of your time with silly trivial dramas.



To Tamara Essex, for having faith in my maturity, even when it didn’t shine that brightly, and for giving me the compliments and confidence boosts when they were needed. All  the little pushes have helped me come a long, long way.



To Tom Crockford, for coming out of absolutely nowhere and saving me from myself.  Thank you for sticking by me, through every silly little thing, and you know I’d do anything for you, even if saving you sends me to heaven...



To Budgie, Ben, Matt and all the rest of the 2FM gang – thanks for doing what you do, and giving young, incredibly bored people somewhere to go and something to enjoy. We all know how difficult it is to have nightlife in these parts.



To Budgie specifically, for keeping me calm and serving me many, many bowls of onion rings – and eating them with great comic dexterity! – And to Emma as well, for keeping him safe, and not so sane, keep up the good work! :)



To Joshua, for also coming out of nowhere and turning everything back to front – thank you for inspiring me to blog, and for still being my friend, despite how crazy I may seem.



Thank you to Nikki, my godmother, for keeping me safe and sane, for taking care of my mother and stepfather when they needed it, as well as the rest of the family. Thank you for loving and accepting me, despite what I’m responsible for and associated with. Thank you for all the hugs, and the musical inspiration.... but I will never forgive you for the sofa.



Thanks to David, my amazing stepfather, who puts up with so much rubbish, nonsense, bull-crap and stupidity (from all of us!) that I don’t get how he’s still standing. Thank you for being my friend, and for taking care of my mum and my family (a lot of the time at your own cost). Thank you for all the advice I ignored, and the little that I did listen to. Thank you for teaching me so much, and coaching me through maths when it made me cry. Thank you for not being too harsh when I did bad things, but for also teaching me the lessons I needed to learn..... Like all boys are knob heads!



To my ever patient mother, who copes with all my tantrums, tall tales, food thievery, messiness, tears, cuts and bruises, burns and scars – both mental and physical – Thank you for teaching me so much, and bringing me to where I am today. Thank you for feeding me, clothing me, entertaining me and sheltering me, even when times were hard. Thank you for lifting me up when I fell, and for pointing out how stupid I was being. Thank you for loving me, even when it’s hard to show it. Thank you for guiding me, even when I wasn’t paying attention. I love you so much, and I will always, always be here if you need me at all, a shoulder to cry on and a warm hug waiting, because after all you’ve done for me, and been through for me, it’s the least you deserve back.



So really, I was daddy’s little girl, and I think that I still am deep inside – there are things that haven’t changed about me at all, and I can still see traces of him when I look in the mirror. It’s fair to say I’ve got his blood in my veins, but I hope it’s the good bits; the bits that no-one saw but me, the bits that he hid away and was ashamed of, and the bits that no-one believed was there. Because I still like to think that deep down, somewhere within all the messed-upness that we both suffer from, and that most people suffer from, we’re still fundamentally good people, even if it’s only a smudge. It would still make all the struggle worthwhile to me.



I think that people seem a little shocked when I tell them I love my daddy – I tell them that I’m shocked they think I wouldn’t. Whatever he’s done and said, to me or to anyone else, I can see right through that, because I saw the loving, caring, vulnerable and carefree bits underneath.



Because, flawed may be the object of your affections, but love them you will, for the rest of your days.



There’s nothing wrong with being daddy’s little girl – I love both of mine unconditionally, and equally. I couldn’t Imagine who or what I would be without either of them.

 
So yeah – thanks, to everyone, for everything.

Another Year....

So here we are in the fresh new untrodden midst's of 2014. People all around the world have been talking about how bad 2013 was for them - and I'm afraid to say, I am going to be one of those people.

See, usually I am pretty optimistic and positive in everything I do. I try to keep on top of negative thoughts with the Idea that it'll all work out where it needs to (I can often be heard saying "It'll be fine!"). But last year, I sometimes felt that things were getting the better of me, and that maybe my catchphrase wouldn't hold me up this time. 

Those of you who read my blog regularly will know about my multitude of failed romantic attempts (or just those of you who know me well). One of these in particular really got to me this year. I had so hoped that I could finally make this relationship last, but in all fairness, I was deluding myself in the hope of finally ending my difficulties in the romance department. But, I am moving on from that, in the hope that "It'll be fine". 

This year was difficult in terms of stress levels as well; with exams, results, apprenticeships (two!) and a whole load of social situations, I felt a little drained in the end. Leaving school, despite my relief and excitement, was a lot harder than I had factored in for. You spend the whole beginning of your life in a (mostly) safe and protected environment, where you see your friends nearly every day, and don't actually have to do an awful lot. I miss my school friends dearly, as well as my teachers and classmates (I have no idea why about the latter - a large proportion of them were incredibly cruel). And in all reality, I was wholly unprepared for the world I was going into. It's quite different, but then, no different at all. 

Bowling for Soup said "High school never ends." They were bang on. 

So at the end of all the tears and goodbye hugs, when the dust clears, you're stood in a world of people who you think know what they're doing, and you haven't a clue. It's scary, very scary, and there were times I was trying to give up, to find easy ways out - but then I really enjoy doing what I do, and I'm lucky to work with friends, in such an amazing environment. The idea of that, brings me back from the brink of giving up. 

And this year was all about shifting styles. I spent a lot of time trying to discover what I like and where I fit in. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out the real me, and then trying to cover her up, and put the cap back on that soul-searching fountain. I went through several different hair colours and styles (some of them monstrous and highly regretted!). I tried to devote myself to one genre of music or one main TV show, and found out that I'm just not media-monogamous. It's quite depressing to venture down all these routes, and then find that you don't really fit anywhere. That you're a strange combination of fandoms and social stereotypes, and that, in reality, you're not truly accepted anywhere.

And so, it is because of this I have decided to make a few new years resolutions. Because that's what it's for - for bettering yourself and improving lifestyle, as well as moving on from the difficulties of the past year. So that's what I'm going to try and do... 

1) Cut down on chocolate; I know, it sounds insane and ridiculous, but honestly, its playing havoc with my skin and it's not good. And it's not like I'm going to eliminate It altogether (I don't have that kind of willpower!). 

2) Be myself more often; It's easy to say, of course, but not so easy to do. In fact, being myself involves some deception; Like dying my hair is part of who I am, but I have resolved not to cut it at all (besides trimming to aid healthy growth.) But I shall resume my usual/natural ginger self. I have decided that's what I'm most happy with, many of you will be pleased to hear. Lying less is also a part of this list; I'm going to stop trying to pretend to be someone I'm not, in an attempt to fit in. Although this might be slightly difficult - I spent so long pretending to be someone else, I almost completely forgot who I was. 

3) Eat more salad and exercise regularly;.............................. YEAH RIGHT! BAZINGA PUNKS! :) 

4) Stick at it for once; With regards to my love life, I am determined to not give up this time round. Not in a creepy, desperate way of course (moi? creepy and desperate? Never!), but there's been so many times where I have given up hope, because of low self-esteem or difficulties. But I don't want trivial issues to try and drag me down anymore; I want to try and be happy for once. 

5) Be more decisive; Because I am continually told off for not making decisions - whether it be what I want to eat, What film I want to watch or what job I want to do.... So, I must try to stop say "I dunno!".

So, I am aiming to make this year, the year of the real me - I hope it works, otherwise, it's going to be another unlucky year. 

I wish you all a happy, hairy, fun and bubbly 2014! 

Ciao!