So here we are in the fresh new untrodden midst's of 2014. People all around the world have been talking about how bad 2013 was for them - and I'm afraid to say, I am going to be one of those people.
See, usually I am pretty optimistic and positive in everything I do. I try to keep on top of negative thoughts with the Idea that it'll all work out where it needs to (I can often be heard saying "It'll be fine!"). But last year, I sometimes felt that things were getting the better of me, and that maybe my catchphrase wouldn't hold me up this time.
Those of you who read my blog regularly will know about my multitude of failed romantic attempts (or just those of you who know me well). One of these in particular really got to me this year. I had so hoped that I could finally make this relationship last, but in all fairness, I was deluding myself in the hope of finally ending my difficulties in the romance department. But, I am moving on from that, in the hope that "It'll be fine".
This year was difficult in terms of stress levels as well; with exams, results, apprenticeships (two!) and a whole load of social situations, I felt a little drained in the end. Leaving school, despite my relief and excitement, was a lot harder than I had factored in for. You spend the whole beginning of your life in a (mostly) safe and protected environment, where you see your friends nearly every day, and don't actually have to do an awful lot. I miss my school friends dearly, as well as my teachers and classmates (I have no idea why about the latter - a large proportion of them were incredibly cruel). And in all reality, I was wholly unprepared for the world I was going into. It's quite different, but then, no different at all.
Bowling for Soup said "High school never ends." They were bang on.
So at the end of all the tears and goodbye hugs, when the dust clears, you're stood in a world of people who you think know what they're doing, and you haven't a clue. It's scary, very scary, and there were times I was trying to give up, to find easy ways out - but then I really enjoy doing what I do, and I'm lucky to work with friends, in such an amazing environment. The idea of that, brings me back from the brink of giving up.
And this year was all about shifting styles. I spent a lot of time trying to discover what I like and where I fit in. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out the real me, and then trying to cover her up, and put the cap back on that soul-searching fountain. I went through several different hair colours and styles (some of them monstrous and highly regretted!). I tried to devote myself to one genre of music or one main TV show, and found out that I'm just not media-monogamous. It's quite depressing to venture down all these routes, and then find that you don't really fit anywhere. That you're a strange combination of fandoms and social stereotypes, and that, in reality, you're not truly accepted anywhere.
And so, it is because of this I have decided to make a few new years resolutions. Because that's what it's for - for bettering yourself and improving lifestyle, as well as moving on from the difficulties of the past year. So that's what I'm going to try and do...
1) Cut down on chocolate; I know, it sounds insane and ridiculous, but honestly, its playing havoc with my skin and it's not good. And it's not like I'm going to eliminate It altogether (I don't have that kind of willpower!).
2) Be myself more often; It's easy to say, of course, but not so easy to do. In fact, being myself involves some deception; Like dying my hair is part of who I am, but I have resolved not to cut it at all (besides trimming to aid healthy growth.) But I shall resume my usual/natural ginger self. I have decided that's what I'm most happy with, many of you will be pleased to hear. Lying less is also a part of this list; I'm going to stop trying to pretend to be someone I'm not, in an attempt to fit in. Although this might be slightly difficult - I spent so long pretending to be someone else, I almost completely forgot who I was.
3) Eat more salad and exercise regularly;.............................. YEAH RIGHT! BAZINGA PUNKS! :)
4) Stick at it for once; With regards to my love life, I am determined to not give up this time round. Not in a creepy, desperate way of course (moi? creepy and desperate? Never!), but there's been so many times where I have given up hope, because of low self-esteem or difficulties. But I don't want trivial issues to try and drag me down anymore; I want to try and be happy for once.
5) Be more decisive; Because I am continually told off for not making decisions - whether it be what I want to eat, What film I want to watch or what job I want to do.... So, I must try to stop say "I dunno!".
So, I am aiming to make this year, the year of the real me - I hope it works, otherwise, it's going to be another unlucky year.
I wish you all a happy, hairy, fun and bubbly 2014!
Ciao!
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