That (the title) was one of my all time favourite lines from a song when I was little. It was a techno song, one I wish I could remember the title of, and I have decided now is the time to make a confession...
I like techno music. I like Trance. I like 90's and 80's dance. I like house music. I like things like Cascada and Basshunter. I also like electronic music, rap, rock, heavy metal, classic rock, punk rock, and all that stuff. I hate music snobbery, and I hate feeling like I have to hide this from my friends just because they like certain genres. So there it is, it's out there now.
I realise that people may accuse me of many things, the same way they might accuse me of being a fake gamer girl, or a fake comic nerd, or a fake whovian. People do call me these things, and I just want to get something straight. (mini internal rant if you like).
Just because I like conflicting aspects of something, doesn't make me "fake" it means enjoy variety, like many other people. It's like, Nirvana, who I adore, were really trying hard to fight against the classic rock vibe that came before them. But I really love all that classic rock as well. Just because it contradicts with Nirvana's goal, doesn't mean I don't love them. It means I enjoy the many faucets of music. Done.
So anyway, I love music. Music to me, is the life force. It's the thing that keeps me going through anything. Even when there's no one to talk to, even when theres nothing to cling onto, theres always music for me. It can cheer me up, it can make me get up and wipe the dust from my eyes. It can make me understand situations, and, quite importantly, it can help me understand people.
From what people listen to, what they share, what they quote, what they play and enjoy, I can attempt to understand what they are going through. I can understand their viewpoint. I can understand why they're my friend. I can tell if i want them as a friend. It's like a language to me, a secret code, that I am almost fluent in.
Music has always been my first love I suppose.
My daddy, he adored music. He absolutely loved it, and I don't believe he ever had any technical ability in it at all. He told me a story a lot when I was little. He used to say, that when they bought me home from the hospital, he put on a brand new record he had just bought, and as it filled room, I opened my eyes, and I looked at him. I guess, that must have been the moment I fell for music, because, from that point onwards, the only thing that could make me sleep as a kid, was music. Thus, it was played near constantly in my house.
The genres I remember most were soul, blues, techno, trance and 50's rock 'n' roll. I remember dancing around the front room with my dad. I remember him cranking up the volume full blast to irritate the upstairs neighbours. I remember loving everything he played to me, and everyone else thinking I was weird because I didn't know any modern songs. I remember taking long drives in the car with my uncle, and him blaring Cascada and classic club anthems. I remember the feel of the bass shaking through my bones, right through all my insides. That's still my favourite sensation - that deep reaching bass.
When I moved away from him, I used the music he loved, to breach the gap that had been left in me by his absence. It helped to listen to it whenever I found myself crying because I missed him. And it still does.
I wish I could remember the song that I opened my eyes to, or any of the trance and techno songs he used to listen to. I've searched my memory time and time again, and come up empty handed. That's why you'll always see me buying any trance/techno/club anthems that I can find, in hope of finding something that triggers a memory.
But also, when moved away, I was exposed to whole new factions of music, that my dad had never liked, and so I didn't listen to. I found pop (which I didn't really care for). I found classic rock, punk rock, rap, blues, 80's electronica, folk and all sorts of other things, and I really loved. I found Nirvana and Foo's, which are some of my favourite discoveries. And the older grow, the more amazing, inspiring bands I found, like BVB or MsMr or Mumford and Sons. I listen to so many things that my dad would hate, but I don't mind that, because I have developed and grown, and I love variety.
Music is still very powerful to me. Theres something I get occasionally, when I hear a new song. It's the oddest sensation. For instance, I was introduced, by a friend, to a band called Bellowhead. They're a folk band, and I never really liked much folk, but I gave them a go. I listened to a few of their songs, and I like it, to my surprise, but it didn't have the wow factor. And then, my friend sent me a link to "Roll the woodpile down"...
I was sort of wondering around my room at the time, with my headphones on, and I reached down, clicked the link, and went back to what I was doing. It took a few moments to load, and then the intro started. I stopped dead, and I listened to it. I turned around and looked at the screen, and then the singing started. I sunk to my knees in front of the laptop. And then, the next second, I had the biggest grin on my face. I loved it, I loved it so much I began to giggle. I listened to it over and over, possibly 13 times in that one night. And then again the next day. The song just filled me with pure joy whenever I heard it. When I couldn't listen to it, I sang it to myself. It's a sensation I get every now and again. I got it with "When the world stops spinning" by Throw The Fight. I got it with "In the end" by BVB. I felt it again very recently, when listening to a song by a friend of mine. That time it reduced me heaving sobs of joy. It's just, the most amazing, liberating sensation, even if only for a short while. It's like falling in love every time, but fresh. I've only ever had 2 people replicate the sensation with emotion. It just goes to show how important music is.
Musical lyrics mean so much to me. I quote them a lot, because they seem to explain things best for me. I can find a song for anything I need to say usually, for any situation, for any person. I live by some lyrics. I make judgements on some lyrics.
And so, get me in a room, with one of those sensational songs, with the bass thumping through me, and you could ask me any question, I'd answer truthfully. You could ask me to do anything, and I probably would. I only have two main weaknesses - One is Music.
And music really is my weakness. Because I cant do anything technical. Everyone in my family and most of my friends, can do something musical, and on a basic technical level, I don't really think I can. I can sing, I'm working on that, and it'll probably help.
It's also a part of my perception of love. I am drawn to men who are incredibly talented, especially musically. I am drawn to men who are passionate about what they do. And I don't understand it really, but I guess it's one of the main things I look for in a guy. It's just ingrained into me that deep.
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