Trouble with dreams is you never know,
When to hold on and when to let go,
Trouble with dreams is you can't pretend,
Something with no beginning, has an end....
Theres a question a friend of mine keeps asking me. It's a joke, I know it is, and I take it in that context every time. I say the same thing a lot myself.
What is wrong with you?
It's such a simple question really. Not said with any malicious intent. And yet I've been thinking about it a lot recently. And then I thought about something else. I thought about the two new recurring dreams I've been having.
They came out of nowhere; I'd never had them before, and the night before I had them, I was feeling quite happy, rather positive about it all, and then they bought me right back down again.
The first one has me a little confused; I can't quite suss the meaning of it...
I am walking up Shaftesbury high street, and I'm arguing with someone. In the weird back story type thing you know in dreams, I know that he's my partner, and that's all. I don't have a name, I don't have any other info. I don't have a face even. I don't remember a face from the dream. I only know he's with me. He's so angry, and I don't even know what about. I'm trying my best to calm him down. My arms are full of paperwork, and I'm carrying a cup of coffee in my free hand, and occasionally spilling some on my hand. I can actually feel the burning of the coffee, and my rising panic, which makes it feel all so real.
After a minute of me trying to calm him down, he turns and grabs the tops of my arms. He shakes me viciously, and the coffee spills all over my chest, scalding me. Now I can really feel the burn, the great pain, and it all feels so real, which is what has me so frightened. I cry out in pain and panic, and none of the public turn and try to help me. They don't even look at us. The stream of people part around us like a rock in a river, and still he keeps yelling.
He notices I'm not listening, and that flames the anger. He pulls back his fist. It all happens so slowly, and yet so fast, all in one. He strikes me hard across the side of my face, and I fall, and smash my head to the side of me. He stands there and stares at me, but he shows absolutely no remorse whatsoever.
I realise then, I am looking down at myself and him like a spectator. I am outside of my own body, but I still feel the pain; of the burn, and of the punch. Still no one turns, no one tries to help. They just leave me there.
I watch for a long time. I watch my body, crumpled ingloriously on the pavement; I watch it rot away, and leave the bones behind....
And then I wake up, there are tears over my face, and I can still feel a dull burning sensation. It's disconcerting, to say the least, and I just cant make sense of it whatsoever.
The other dream is much more frightening. It happens several times a night, and lasts on average between one and two hours. It's the exact same every time. I'll fall asleep, have the dream, and wake up crying, again, only to calm down, fall asleep, and repeat the pattern.
I am standing on a hill, in gale force wind and thrashing rain. I am cold, very cold, and it's nigh time; pitch black all around, with no stars, and only the occasional lightening strike to see by. Again, through some kind of back story, I am aware that I'm waiting for someone, and I know who they are, but can't bring a name or face to mind. It's all of this knowledge and sensation, that again makes the dream feel so real.
And oh so suddenly, He's there (the person that I'm waiting for.) Theres a pull, a very strong pull, and I've no idea why. I feel his presence before I see him, and then, in a silent flash of lightening (presumably somehow drowned out by the rain), he's there in front of me. I try to say something, but no sound emerges. Another flash; He shakes his head wordlessly. And then he grabs my hand, and begins to pull me with him.
He starts of walking, but soon speeds up to a run. He drags me all the way, pulling so hard my arm aches. All the time the wind and rain lash out against my face and hair. He picks up pace, faster. I cant keep up, I begin to trip up. I try to call out for him to slow down, but he doesn't hear, because I make no sound at all.
I fall more often, and he just drags me on my front or knees, through mud and puddles, thistle and weeds. I can't see where we are going, and I don't know where we are anyway. I keep trying to plead and beg, to kick and scream, but still no sound comes forth.
Soon things begin to snag at my heels and calves. The sting and scratch, and I cant place what they are. They increase ferocity, scratching my hips and stomach, and creeping up between my shoulders. He doesn't slow, he simply drags me through them, which makes them cut into my flesh, and coat the new wounds in mud and puddle water.
They soon begin to slow me down though, reaching up around my neck, and my silent pleas continue to silently spew out, but this time, he turns and stops.
Elation takes over; pure joy, love and adoration is the place of terror.
But he just lets go. His face un-illuminated by the persistent lightening. He rips my hand from his and drops me. The things take advantage, holding my down; they cover each limb, and pin me down, crossing over my vision, but not enough to make their forms clear to me. They dig in and drag me down into the earth, and all the time, he stares down at me, silently shaking with laughter, and staring straight into my eyes.
It's the greatest pain, an empty void pushing at the edges of my chest, making it ache.
I stop struggling. I know there is no point anymore. And everything in my vision, including his mocking figure, is turned to black. There is some relief in that. And that's when I wake up again, tears streaming once more.
And so, you can see why I find it difficult to sleep at night. When I nap during the day, they don't come to me, only shadows of fears I have drift across my vision then. But at night, alone in the dark, that's when they manifest, revealing everything I hate in my mind, with no way of stopping them....
A bit dark, I know, and for that I apologise. But if anyone has any suggestions or helpful comments, please feel free to let me know.
Thanks for taking the time to read - sorry it's a little fucked up :/
He notices I'm not listening, and that flames the anger. He pulls back his fist. It all happens so slowly, and yet so fast, all in one. He strikes me hard across the side of my face, and I fall, and smash my head to the side of me. He stands there and stares at me, but he shows absolutely no remorse whatsoever.
I realise then, I am looking down at myself and him like a spectator. I am outside of my own body, but I still feel the pain; of the burn, and of the punch. Still no one turns, no one tries to help. They just leave me there.
I watch for a long time. I watch my body, crumpled ingloriously on the pavement; I watch it rot away, and leave the bones behind....
And then I wake up, there are tears over my face, and I can still feel a dull burning sensation. It's disconcerting, to say the least, and I just cant make sense of it whatsoever.
The other dream is much more frightening. It happens several times a night, and lasts on average between one and two hours. It's the exact same every time. I'll fall asleep, have the dream, and wake up crying, again, only to calm down, fall asleep, and repeat the pattern.
I am standing on a hill, in gale force wind and thrashing rain. I am cold, very cold, and it's nigh time; pitch black all around, with no stars, and only the occasional lightening strike to see by. Again, through some kind of back story, I am aware that I'm waiting for someone, and I know who they are, but can't bring a name or face to mind. It's all of this knowledge and sensation, that again makes the dream feel so real.
And oh so suddenly, He's there (the person that I'm waiting for.) Theres a pull, a very strong pull, and I've no idea why. I feel his presence before I see him, and then, in a silent flash of lightening (presumably somehow drowned out by the rain), he's there in front of me. I try to say something, but no sound emerges. Another flash; He shakes his head wordlessly. And then he grabs my hand, and begins to pull me with him.
He starts of walking, but soon speeds up to a run. He drags me all the way, pulling so hard my arm aches. All the time the wind and rain lash out against my face and hair. He picks up pace, faster. I cant keep up, I begin to trip up. I try to call out for him to slow down, but he doesn't hear, because I make no sound at all.
I fall more often, and he just drags me on my front or knees, through mud and puddles, thistle and weeds. I can't see where we are going, and I don't know where we are anyway. I keep trying to plead and beg, to kick and scream, but still no sound comes forth.
Soon things begin to snag at my heels and calves. The sting and scratch, and I cant place what they are. They increase ferocity, scratching my hips and stomach, and creeping up between my shoulders. He doesn't slow, he simply drags me through them, which makes them cut into my flesh, and coat the new wounds in mud and puddle water.
They soon begin to slow me down though, reaching up around my neck, and my silent pleas continue to silently spew out, but this time, he turns and stops.
Elation takes over; pure joy, love and adoration is the place of terror.
But he just lets go. His face un-illuminated by the persistent lightening. He rips my hand from his and drops me. The things take advantage, holding my down; they cover each limb, and pin me down, crossing over my vision, but not enough to make their forms clear to me. They dig in and drag me down into the earth, and all the time, he stares down at me, silently shaking with laughter, and staring straight into my eyes.
It's the greatest pain, an empty void pushing at the edges of my chest, making it ache.
I stop struggling. I know there is no point anymore. And everything in my vision, including his mocking figure, is turned to black. There is some relief in that. And that's when I wake up again, tears streaming once more.
And so, you can see why I find it difficult to sleep at night. When I nap during the day, they don't come to me, only shadows of fears I have drift across my vision then. But at night, alone in the dark, that's when they manifest, revealing everything I hate in my mind, with no way of stopping them....
A bit dark, I know, and for that I apologise. But if anyone has any suggestions or helpful comments, please feel free to let me know.
Thanks for taking the time to read - sorry it's a little fucked up :/
Well I can help with the first one... I think you should stop trying to be something your not.
ReplyDeleteAnd the second one means you shouldn't trust people who are trying to help you...
Wait... :s ha x
Then how, dear sir, might i be able to trust the advice you give me?? :P x
ReplyDelete