That gut feeling you get is difficult. And where the
difficulty lies is in trusting it. Because so often, you jump to quickly, aim
to fast for what you believe you, and what you think you need, that sometimes,
you fail to see the truth that hides in the corners of your mind.
Hidden away behind your oversights and mistakes, behind all
the compliments you brush of and all the insults you receive. All the things
done wrong to you, and the things you’ve done wrong. All the people you’ve hurt
and rejected, and all those whom have hurt and rejected you – behind all the
heartbreak, somewhere, lies what you truly want. But they hide so well, camouflage
themselves so well, that you don’t truly believe they’re there at all.
So you throw yourself at the mercy of all those whom seem to
want you – all those whom might take interest, who make a sly comment, or give
you a compliment. And you don’t shield yourself; you don’t protect yourself,
and you don’t protect them.... not even those who take you with good
intentions. You listen to the gossips – the snipes and japes at who you are and
whom you are with, and you end up being broken again, or worse.... breaking
another heart. Because it was never your intention; you perhaps, honestly
believed it may work, or perhaps you were so fed up of being alone, of not
being appreciated or sought by what you truly want, that you resign yourself.
Or perhaps, just perhaps, you inflict it upon yourself.
Perhaps, in your head, you call yourself worthless, and you put yourself down,
and you seek innocence, purity, fun and vulnerability to destroy. Perhaps that
is all that you feel capable of.
Maybe, you uncovered that person, waiting in the corner of
your life, hiding in the masquerade of friendship and alias, and bound by your
misunderstandings. Maybe you finally found them, and maybe, just maybe, like
every other mistake you’ve ever made, you threw yourself at their mercy.... and
they didn’t catch you either.
Perhaps they pretended to be friendly – perhaps they were
plain and open about how they loathed you – perhaps you were too late – or perhaps
there was always someone else. ...
And so you crumble, or you endure – there is little beyond
that, and the results are much the same. Those who crumble will do as I have mentioned,
and seek more people, as a replacement for the “true happiness” they think they
have lost. They may turn, as I said, deliberately (perhaps unconsciously) to
spoiling innocence and taking advantage of vulnerability. Those who crumble,
have given in to the idea, that their ‘happiness’ is a singular entity – a single
person, whom once lost, may never be recovered or properly replaced.
However, those who endure, see hope. They will hold on, and
wait their time. They will keep holding on to the very thing that represents
their happiness, and they will fight for it with all their might. They not give
in on their mission – they may receive side missions, which bide their time,
and seek to ensure them of their true wish.
Sometimes, those who endure may wait a very long time. They
may find something new – a new happiness; a new object of happiness, a new goal
to aim for. But it will become, very hard for them to ever forget, their original
‘true’ happiness. I believe they will always reserve part of their heart for
that person. They will always, give anything for that person. And why not – so long
as you endure, no harm is done....
No comments:
Post a Comment